Love, Labor, Loss: The Impact of Workaholism

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We live in a society that prizes hard work and puts “work ethic” on a pedestal.

In corporate America, work culture is defined by ideas and values such as opportunity, ambition, competition, individualism, merit, and achievement. We celebrate career-driven pioneers and problem-solvers, innovators, and disruptors who are laser-focused on purpose, productivity, and performance.

In and of themselves, these are honorable qualities that bring progress and exciting results.

However, there’s a potential downside to a relentless drive, which can shift the balance of our lives, alter the contours of relationships, and push marriages to the breaking point. While ambition can drive success, an unchecked work ethic can tip the balance of life, strain relationships, and push marriages to the breaking point.

This issue is especially relevant in the financial advisory world — advisors themselves may be overextending in their practices, while clients may be grappling with the financial and emotional fallout of workaholism in their own marriages. Recognizing the warning signs and understanding their impact enables advisors to manage their own well-being better and to guide clients facing similar challenges.

Work-Life Imbalance

Studies show that Americans work more hours overall (with a work week that often exceeds 40 hours) and take less vacation time than our counterparts in many other developed nations (for example, a statutory five weeks' paid vacation in France). Increasingly, we work right through our vacations. Further, there’s a growing expectation that we’re “always on” — accessible to bosses and colleagues, responding to work-related communications outside regular working hours.

This issue didn’t begin with the pandemic, but work-from-home and hybrid arrangements forced by lengthy lockdowns have evolved into the ability to work digitally from almost anywhere. While many people value the flexibility of remote work, it’s easy for working from anywhere to become working from everywhere, and at all times. It’s becoming more difficult to leave work at work, whether you go to a brick-and-mortar office or are constantly tied to your virtual one.

In addition, many workers and families are facing increased pressure amid major economic uncertainty and concerns about job futures due to the acceleration in disruptive technologies like AI.

Headspace, a provider of digital mental health solutions, conducts an annual “Workforce State of Mind” report, surveying more than 2,000 employees in the U.S. and U.K., as well as over 200 CEOs and 250 HR leaders. Their 2025 study found that 71% of employees work outside their regular schedule at least once a week, and 75% say they make themselves available as needed, even when taking time off.

If almost boundary-less work has become the norm and “necessary,” how do you know when it’s too much, unhealthy for an individual or a relationship?

What Is Workaholism?

The term “workaholic” was coined by American psychologist Wayne E. Oates in his 1971 book Confessions of a Workaholic: The Facts About Work Addiction. He defined workaholism as “the compulsion or the uncontrollable need to work incessantly.”

Today, workaholism is a widely used term, yet there’s no clear scientific definition or consensus among researchers on exactly what it is.

In a culture that values hard work and productivity, the line between a strong work ethic and addiction can become blurred. The virtue of the former can obscure the trouble with the latter — “workaholism” becomes a point of pride.

Are You a Workaholic? Are You Living With One?

Despite blurry lines, it’s important to distinguish between hard work (positive) and workaholism (problematic).

Work addiction is compulsive. The workaholic can’t not be working: They put in excessive hours, and when they’re not at work, they’re thinking about it, checking in. They prioritize work to the exclusion or detriment of other vital things, sacrificing sleep, relaxation, leisure activities, physical and mental health, and quality time with family.

Signs of workaholism include:

Consistently bringing work home;
Seeking ways to make more time for work;
Experiencing stress if not working;
Missing out on important occasions and life events due to work;
Rarely taking a vacation or time off, making all vacations “working vacations”;
Maintaining the intensity of work even when not required by the job or financially necessary;
Working through illness;
Experiencing “burnout” or a reduction in productivity and efficiency;
Overworking despite negative effects on physical/mental health and relationships; and
Work habits provoking marital conflict.

How Excessive Work Impacts Marriage

In Headspace’s 2024 study, over 70% of respondents said that work-related stress had “caused a personal relationship to end.” Gen X-age workers (currently age 44–60) were most likely (79%) to report work-related break-ups and divorces.

In a 2023 Forbes Advisor survey, 46% of divorced couples “listed career choices as the most common type of conflict they experienced with their spouses,” making it the most prevalent form of marital woe in the study.

Earlier research supports these findings.

Bryan E. Robinson, a University of North Carolina researcher and psychotherapist, has studied work-life balance for decades. He’s the author of “Chained to the Desk: A Guidebook for Workaholics” (1998) and, more recently, “Chained to the Desk in a Hybrid World”, which includes guidance for the hyper-connected digital era.

In a 2024 Forbes article, Robinson acknowledged the allure and glossy exterior of overwork. “Work addiction looks good on the outside because workaholics usually produce for their companies, provide a good standard of living for their families, and are extolled by their communities. But there’s a toxic underbelly to this career style.” Robinson’s research has shown that marriages with at least one workaholic spouse are nearly twice as likely to end in divorce.

How Work Addiction Harms Marriage

A workaholic’s spouse may feel lonely, neglected, abandoned, and disconnected. With the workaholic partner busy, preoccupied, emotionally withdrawn, physically and logistically unavailable, their spouse may feel resentful, overburdened with household management and child-rearing responsibilities.

Moreover, work addiction erodes intimacy. A lack of their spouse’s attention, focus, and quality time leads non-workaholic partners to feel low-priority, making overwork seem almost like an affair — a hurtful, isolating, alienating betrayal, contributing to a loss of self-esteem, and questions about their own desirability and worthiness.

Unfortunately, if the husband or wife of a work addict spends excessive time waiting around, putting marriage and family life on hold, allowing everything to revolve around the partner’s career, they may be enabling the addiction.

Is Your Marriage Suffering Due to Workaholism?

If you’re married to someone who is married to their job, here are six important steps you can take:

Talk to your spouse about your concerns. As in all things in marriage, communication is key. Start with a calm, open conversation. Your workaholic partner may not realize that the work intensity is problematic. Frame the conversation positively: Rather than criticizing their work habits, attacking them for their absence, or blaming them for leaving you feeling alone and overwhelmed, talk about how much you and the kids love and appreciate their presence. Gently explain your worries about the emphasis on work.
Put yourself in the workaholic’s shoes. How much do you know about your spouse’s job — not only what they do, but why they find it satisfying, important, compelling? Are there external factors that may be driving overwork, such as corporate culture, financial pressure, or circumstances from their background that shaped their value system and mindset about work, success, or money? Is one or both of you putting in extra hours to avoid confronting deeper relationship issues?
Set healthy boundaries around work. Discuss some ground rules. What will help restore balance, realign priorities, and make space for quality time as a couple and family? Maybe it’s agreeing on regular dinnertimes, or device-free hours and spaces (i.e., no laptop in the bedroom). Perhaps sit down with the family calendar and decide what events are non-negotiable.
Break the cycle. Don’t continue to enable the workaholic by chronically delaying or adapting plans, making excuses, covering for them at family events, and doing their share of the household duties on top of your own.
Schedule fun things to do together. “Workaholics often feel like they have to be doing something," says Robinson. Committing to activities you both enjoy can deepen your connection and keep the workaholic engaged.
Seek professional support. Workaholism can leave both partners exhausted, burnt-out, and detached from one another — it can be devastating to a marriage. Don’t be afraid to reach out for help.

Debra R. Schoenberg, Principal at Schoenberg Family Law Group in San Francisco, brings over 35 years of experience in family law. In recognition of her work, she was named a Fellow of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers and a Board-Certified Family Law Trial Specialist by the National Board of Trial Advocacy. She is also a Certified Family Law Specialist by the State of California Board of Legal Specialization and is a frequent lecturer in the field.

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