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Beverly Flaxington is a practice management consultant. She answers questions from advisors facing human resource issues. To submit yours, email us here.
Dear Bev,
We recently had an event for our clients that included a wine tasting. It was held at a local restaurant well known for its wine bar and wine tastings. The invitations went out only to clients who were within a 50-mile driving radius of the event to make it workable for clients and not stressful for having to travel here.
Most people in this area know this restaurant, and I would have definitely thought most knew about their focus on wine and small wineries. We had a little under 25 people attend — mostly clients and some prospects that were friends or family of clients.
After the event, my marketing person received one of the nastiest notes I have ever seen about how we “are promoting drinking” and “don’t know who is a former alcoholic” and how “irresponsible it is to think wine has anything to do with investing.” My marketing person, a talented 28-year-old who has done great work for us, cried for a week after getting this letter. It was sent as a letter also, not a text or an email. The formality of it was jarring — almost as if it was meant to be a legal notification.
The person who sent this is not a current client but rather the extremely wealthy brother of one of our favorite clients. I have no idea if our client knows we received this letter. I struggle with the confidentiality aspect, especially after being called out so directly and negatively for our actions.
The question now is: What do we do about this? I am compelled, in order to support my marketing person, to address it. She did nothing wrong, and the event was overall a very nice one. We received loads of emails and texts thanking us for doing it.
I didn’t get a note from the client whose brother wrote this note, however. Do I reach out to the client? Do I send a note back to the person who wrote to us (he did not include contact info other than the address that was on the envelope)? Do I ask my client for his brother’s phone number? Or do I ignore the whole thing and just put it in the category of “you can’t please everyone, so don’t bother trying.”
S.P.
Dear S.P.,
As long as I have been writing this column and working in this business, I’ve learned there is still a first time for everything — and this is the first time I have ever heard this dilemma from an advisor. I infer from your message that this event was taken very personally by the author of the letter.
However, if someone is a former alcoholic or struggles with alcohol addiction, perhaps they shouldn’t go to an event where the focus is on wine. I’m wondering if your client brought the brother along and didn’t share the focus of the place or of the event, and this individual was incensed to feel trapped somewhere that might have seemed dangerous for them.
Unless your client said something to you, or the brother referenced the client in his letter to you, I don’t think it is appropriate to bring your client into the discussion. This person reached out directly, so I believe you need to respond directly to them. And yes, I do think you have to send something in response. I think he will feel even more slighted by your firm if you don’t do anything.
That said, I think a mea culpa might be your best approach. Although you don’t want to add too much on top of the accusations he has leveled, I would include some of the following:
- Apologies for his experience;
- An explanation that the firm was clear about where the event would be held, and the focus of the event in advance, so that clients could chose not to attend if they were uncomfortable in the environment; and
- Close with a thank to you him for making his perspective known and let him know that you take input like this very seriously. Note that your clients mean everything to you and you work hard to let them know this.
It is important not to get defensive — even on behalf of your marketing person — but also to let him know you didn’t surprise anyone with the event and that clients knew what to expect. This isn’t to get his brother in trouble with him, of course (although it might!), but to be clear you don’t put clients in any situation without letting them know in advance what to expect.
Dear Bev,
I’m a female advisor working in an all-male practice. Ironically, even our ops team and client service support team members are male. It doesn’t bother me as the youngest of six kids — with five older brothers.
What bothers me is the constant focus on golf and other sports. It’s like every single idea they come up with for client entertainment or prospecting centers around golf and sports. The firm recently bought box seats for one of the local, well-known sports teams, and our three partners all have memberships to some of the high-end golf courses near us.
I don’t golf and — despite growing up with five brothers, or maybe because of it — I hate sports. I mean, I really loathe anything to do with sports of any kind. I’m not unathletic. I’m a dancer and dance on weekends and in my spare time. However, I can’t bring this up at all in the firm without being mocked.
Is there a way for me to integrate the things I enjoy doing and build my own persona and practice away from this boys’ club? I don’t intend to leave the firm, but I want to carve out my niche and not be beholden to their passions.
J.W.
Dear J.W.,
The answer to your direct question is, of course you have the ability to carve out your own niche for yourself in this practice. You don’t mention where you are in your career journey, and I couldn’t tell from your title. However, if you are early or mid-way into your career, this is a great time to determine your ideal client and how you want to interact with the clients you work with each day. If you are in the later stages of your career and somehow sharing clients with the senior partners, it might be a bit harder. That said, perhaps you have the ability to focus on the female half of a client relationship or affiliate with the non-sports, non-golfing partner — whomever that may be.
I have a number of advisors who have exploded the scope of their businesses by golfing. Personally, I think it is one of the biggest joys in life to play — except when you hit a bad ball — but I know many people who couldn’t care less about the game, and a lot of them are men. Sit down with your senior partners and share your desire to create your ideal client, or to play a more significant role in existing relationships with the person or family members who aren’t so interested in sitting in the box seats!
Rather than think you are pushed to the side on this, be more proactive and turn your difference into an advantage. I don’t know where you dance or how serious you are, but one of my closest friends is a professional dancer. That industry – like most – has many wealthy people who are either dancing for fun or who have earned money through their dancing acumen. Consider whether there are ways to turn this passion of yours into a business development opportunity, and your success will quell the skeptics at your firm very quickly.
Beverly Flaxington co-founded The Collaborative, a consulting firm devoted to business building for the financial services industry, in 1995. The firm also founded and manages the Advisors Sales Academy. The firm has won the Wealthbriefing WealthTech award for Best Training Solution for 2022, 2023, 2024 and 2025. Beverly is currently an adjunct professor at Suffolk University teaching undergraduate and graduate students Entrepreneurship and Leading Teams. She is a Certified Professional Behavioral Analyst (CPBA) and Certified Professional Values Analyst (CPVA).
She has spent over 25 years in the investment industry and has been featured in Selling Power Magazine and quoted in hundreds of media outlets, including The Wall Street Journal, MSNBC.com, Investment News and Solutions Magazine for the FPA. She speaks frequently at investment industry conferences and is a speaker for the CFA Institute.
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Advisor Perspectives welcomes guest contributions. The views presented here do not necessarily represent those of Advisor Perspectives.
